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“Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.”


So i haven’t wrote a post in a little while, i wanted to wait until i had some good news ….

I have had a hectic few days i completed my floor length evening fress for my partner’s mom’s wedding , i was very proud that i completed it and it fit and i really liked it !

We went on friday to the lovely barns we were to stay at for the rest of the weekend , i took supplies of yoghurt and two tescos mini dish micro meals and some eggs!

Friday was a lovely evening tucked into my mico meal and was content , saturday was the day of the wedding and i was very nervous to wear my dress , as it was very low at the back and it didnt cover my arms , my hair is now bright red and i wore bright red lipstick ! which is really out of charater for me !

Everyone loved my dress and was amazed i made it and said i look amazing , i was sooooo chuffed all day well until the buffet after the service … it was hard and i felt as if all eyes on me although there was a small handful of people who knew about the surgery i found it hard on what to choose to eat i didnt want to go and get my own food and eat puree ! as i would of got some funny looks im sure , so i proceeded to have some mutton in gravy and mushed it up and a bit of rice and quiche , i was careful to only put a small amount on my plate and chew though it all slowly.

after the meal and lovely speech’s the dj started and i was contemplating my first glass of wine for months , i had my first small glass and i was fine , after 3 and a half small glasses i was pretty drunk!

My partner asked me to slow dance and we danced until the early hours of the morning , i had such a good night those wines were worth it !

On the sunday i regretted the wine and i ached ! i hadnt had a hangover for a long time , but my stomach was fine and i didnt feel sick which i guess was the main thing.

later that day all the familly came to the barns for a big BBQ they cooked the usual … chicken … sausage … burgers etc etc …

another food day i was dreading .. i had two sausages and was stuffed i kinda mushed them up as much as i could ! some of the family members questioned why i only ate two sausages so i explained to them the procedure they thought it was really good and the one had said her dad would benefit alot from that surgery and took the details of the company i used .

we came home on monday and i was shattered a brilliant weekend .. i jumped on the scales to see if i had gained from drinking the wine and the scales said i was now 273.6 which meant i had lost 2.6llbs yippppeeeee ….

that made me determined to hit the gym on tuesday and start getting into a routine no more wine just pure dedication to the puree diet and smaller portions …

I went to the gym tonight with my work collegues and i was determined to keep up with them so they didnt judge and think i was lazy or that i couldnt do it cause im “big” i would like to think i did keep up with them i worked really hard and im now suffering for it !

I did a wrong move though and weighed myself again tonight , i weighed in at 275.3 !!!!!! so confused im wondering if its the wine catching up with me !?  all this up and down is driving me mad ! and i have been questioning today if i made the right choice in having surgery ….

I dont expect instant results , i would just like to go down and not up in weight ! even if only a fraction , hopefully now im properly working out it will start shifting ..

 

i will post some piccies of me in my dress as soon as possible !!!

 

today i have eaten :

125g of porridge

150ml of protein shake

125g minced lamb

1 dairylea extra light triangle

130g of salmon and sweet potato mash

 

 

 

 

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“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”


Still really annoyed at the fact i seemed to have gained weight not by much but 1llb and a half is enough to annoy me after all my hard efforts!

A number of people have told me to expect different plateau’s. Lot’s of people stall on week three and in the change from liquid to puree im hoping that being on week three is the reason behind what im experiencing!

i have also been told baby food is not the best idea, which shocked me as in my little book the hospital gave me it says to eat baby food during puree stage and i have heard of others eating it! A couple of WLS friends advised it was not the best idea to eat baby food all the time as it’s still processed food and is best to blend your own so i guess thats what i shall do!
Had a great meal tonight though fresh salmon and sweet mashed potatoes all mushed up , it was really nice.

<stron I need to go back to the drawing board and figure out what i can make thats quick and easy for lunches and blended! With ingredients I like.

This week i am starting the gym , im going to be starting off slow and for short periods as my stitches are still not out yet which is really annoying , but i am visiting my Dr on Tuesday to get them removed , then after their gone i can up my gymming and start some classes , then maybe in a month start swimming once im all healed. I need to start doing some good core exercises and alot of them im thinking try to go five days a week to try to prevent saggy skin , which i am really worried about but then i hope because im still youngish and havent and any children i may still be able to get my skin to bounce back a little as i have good elasticity. If I’m wrong and this doesn’t work out I shall definitely consider further operations like a boob job and or tummy tuck.

Also this week i need to get on and finish sewing my dress for the wedding this saturday ! I am halfway there !
Really enjoying the hobby though as it takes my mind off food and cravings not that i have been thinking about food much anyway which surprised me.
i even walked into gregs this weekend to buy my partner a sandwich and it didn’t bother me when normally it would, cakes were one of my loves!

The only problem im facing at the moment is going to the “loo” which is really odd as i have actually been eating this week! I have been pre warned about this ! going to be taking some liquid help for that!

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My ketosis has calmed down a lot i still have it cause i still occasionally get yellow tongue and a yucky breath which is horrible and my worst side effect yet !

im going to try and show you what I eat I’m a day to give you an idea . so today my intake of food ;

120g of mullier fat-free greek yoghurt

100g of mash potato

100g salmon and sweet pot mash

no snacks today just one cup of tea and lots of water , i need to drink a lot more water though !

Weigh day tomorrow evening I shall weigh and take more picture 🙂

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“Once you get what you want, You’ve got something to lose “


Yesterday I happily jumped on my scales hoping to see a good loss of weight .. Yes I know I only weighed my self yesterday and everyday before then .. But weighing in becomes exciting and you are keen to see if all the hard work has paid off!
So I jump on the scales, then jump on again and again .. And it still read the same figure.. I infact had put on 1.5llbs!!!!!!!!

Gutted.. Don’t know what to think I looked over my food diary and all I had had the past couple of days : 150mls milk , 150ml juice , 100g baby food , an actimel , and 150g fish pie !

I’m hoping it is just because this is the week I have gone from liquid food to purée and a more solid food consistency, this is what I hope anyway!
I was also told my body is adjusting and maybe holding water..I hope so !

I’m going to be sticking to a weekly weigh in from this week forward and just weigh myself every Monday maybe that will stop me freaking out about my weight , and also when I start my gentle exercise next week that should help burn some of this fat!!!

I still have ketosis which I believe is a good thing as its my body burning my fat to use as energy , so I’m
Quite happy for my body to burn as much of it as it wants!!!
There are some yucky side effects tho I keep burping , I have yellow tongue and my breath is real errrrrr but I have been told this should go away soon.

I will be sampling different kinds of baby foods over the weekend!haven’t found many I like yet , infact I feel sorry for babies I only eat baby food on lunch when I’m in a rush as its easy I need to start blending up my own foods.

I hope I can shift some weight by Monday and get back on the road to losing!

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“Never regret something that made you smile”


Wow what a start to the week !

Went back to work on monday and had sooo many nice comments and genuine interest i was dreading going back the judging the whispering the “whats the point  , u might aswell of dieted” .. but i recieved really lovely feedback and comments and my work collegues are being really supportive one of which is logging my weight loss and weighing me every chance he gets !!

i only had one person be negative .. but as they say theres always one !  the one person who had to say ” well you lost 15llbs before the op why did you need it ?”

I understand its hard for a lot of people to realise “obesity” is a major problem anything from  addiction.. comfort… over eating .. eating the wrong things at the wrong times .. illness .. they dont look at the bigger picture just see it as people being “lazy and greedy”  and i hate that misconception .. i now think its my duty to put people right and correct how they think about obesity ! im glad all my work collegues now know , it gives me a push in the right direction , im going to show them all that i can do this …

Tuesday was the best day !  i got to start my puree diet ! i have never looked forward to baby food fish pie and pureed consistency ever!

I Started with 150ml semi skimmed milk for breakfast , had a juice for a snack and then at lunch i had mommys very mild chicken curry … that was an experience ! followed by 100g of fish pie at dinner it was the best fish pie i have ever eaten i ate with my teaspoon and still think i ate it too quick as moments later the burping started! which is a nightmare and the biggest issue i have since having the wrap … i could eat really slooooowwwww and still get the burps!

today has been equally as good i weghed myself i have lost just over 31llbs .. i feel so happy im smiling alot more everyone is commenting on my smiles! i have had my hair cut and im booked in for a bold colour tommorrow ! i have just had amazing feedback from my photos in my support group which has made me chuffed ….

cant wait to see what the rest of the year has install for me … never been so happy 🙂

 

 

 

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“If you don’t make mistakes, you aren’t really trying”


Well today has been a weird one … had a good day yesterday ate normal didnt over eat i kept to my 150mls and didnt exceed but then today i have felt nauseous and gassy all day i cant stop burping i feel sick .. still managed to eat my daily routine of 150 ml juice 150ml of protein drink 150ml of soup and 150ml of milk as i didnt want to not eat incase i caused problems.

I have thought i may need to drink more water as im noticing my tongue is slightly yellow and i notice i have bad breath today … obviously that is signs of digestion issues i just dont know what ?

apart from the sick feeling today im still feeling good about myself i have had alot of cravings today but that maybe because i was cooking my other half bacon and egg sarnies today, which was like torture ! but with a smile on my face i cracked on like it didnt really bother me i dotn want him to think i have no will power and im easily tempted .. i wouldnt even eat it if i could its just the “want” in my head telling me i want it! i need to get rid of that feeling!

Back to work in the morning , i feel like i could do with an extra week for the hell of it , but i cant and i suppose by then i would be bored brainless !
Not looking forward to the judging and the questioning from collegues .. they dont really understand i dont think alot of people understand why i have had the surgery or why anyone would consider surgery , not until they have walked the earth as a person with morbid obesity , they see it as laziness and pure overeating .. they dont see it as a disease and addiction a life long problem …I hope this isn’t the case and what I presume people think is not the case but so far I have been proved right!

One of my collegues cant comprehend how i can spend so much on surgery when i could of brought a truck load of slim fast for the money i spent on surgery !

This isnt no quick fix it is for life and it is hard work .. but with that said i do not regret surgery at all .. and would do it all again just to feel what i feel now .. i cant imagine what i will feel in 12 months hopefully a few stone lighter!!!

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“I do it because i can, I can because I want to, I want to because you said I couldn’t.”


what a day …. as you can see i put up some lovely pics of my wounds!   just so you can see there not so big.  just 5 small insertions , after i had taken the pics i was concerned that i may have an infection in the bigger wound, although i have been really good with cleaning them and changing the dressings! so i booked to go and see the dr today …

when i went to see my doctor i told him what i had done and he was really interested in the procedure and my choice to have it abroad , i told him all about it and he was keen to get me on the scales and see how much i had lost so far just as much as i was !

He prescribed me some fortisip drinks to help me which are high protein drinks  he could only prescribe me 12 as the NHS state there too expensive to prescribe , i did mention to him that i saved the NHS thousands by funding my own surgery and helping to prevent diabetes and other illnesses i may of endured without the gastric wrap he was in agreement to this and continued to supply my prescription.

i have to pick them up from the chemist tomorrow so i shall let you know how they are !

Also the nurse checked my wounds and said they were not infected and were healing nice but i may have to have my sutures removed by them if they don’t dissolve.

I have been in such a happy nice mood today and it has been a while since i could say i was either of the two, me and my partner went and paid a visit to Asda, which i was expecting to be a really painful experience but it wasnt at all i wasnt tempted by anything and none of the food phased me , i picked up some baby food ready for next week , i seemed to be choosing a lot of the pudding type baby foods … banana and custard , choc pudding . Antonio soon stopped this and made me change them to “mama’s cottage pie, spag bol ” and all sorts of yucky looking jars!

we then went on to buy a sofa which was really random and spontaneous and something i would have had to ponder over a day or two normally and worry about money , but today i just said we need a treat lets buy it and that’s just what we did !

it’s really funny how it hasn’t been that long since the operation but i already seem to be a lot happier in myself and the decisions i am making , i have even started a new hobby and given myself a project to work on, i have taken up dressmaking , i figure with me losing weight and needing to change clothing all the time i can alter existing clothes and make new ones !

As i have struggled to find a nice dress to wear for my partners mothers wedding i have decided to make a dress for the occasion not giving myself long though as it is two weeks away! today i chose my pattern and fabrics and tonight i have been trying to get the sewing machine to work and cut all the pattern out , so much harder than i thought it was to make a dress i must admit!

While doing all this its making me forget about food , which is the main reason for taking a hobby up and it works!!

i also posted some pics of me now and pre op  on Facebook , i loved the response i had although at the beginning of my journey its nice to hear such positive and encouraging feedback , i just cant wait to lose more and see what reaction i get then , im really excited to see whats in stall for me in the near future and excited to see the changes i am going to make .